How to Never Be Lonely: A Pilot’s Guide to Everyday Connection

Yesterday, I met Andrew, a pilot, sitting at a coffee shop with me.

With me?

Why were we sitting together?

Well… I have a new habit: Can I sit here?

I know. It’s a bit bold. Even though there’s more empty seating, I come join someone else.

But each time, I find a new friend. Sometimes we’ll share stories, food, or just a brief talk.

So I sat across him.. and we ended up talking for 20 minutes.

By the end, we both said that we had found a kindred spirit in each other.

Can I sit here?

Sure, go for it.

Where’s your accent from? Irish? Scottish?

English, from Yorkshire!

I love Yorkshire Gold tea!

Yeah, it’s good stuff!

What’s your name?

Andrew. Yours?

Josh! So what are you doing in Canada?

I’m a pilot, staying at a friend’s house near the river for a few days.

So, you’re a pilot? You must meet a lot of people.

Oh, yeah, all over the world. Con-stantly.

We began to talk about one of my favorite topics, friendship. Andrew proceeded to blow my mind with his way of life, interacting with people.

He told me, I am never lonely wherever I go, even though I travel. I make friends!

—Ok, I’m interested.

Friends, I present to you A Pilot’s Guide to Everyday Connection.

Say Hello

I say hello to every person I come across, regardless of where I am.

Wow, this could not be more simple. But it’s true… i’ve been around lots of cultures, and greeting people is not for every culture. Sometimes, you pass with downcast eyes. Only talk to people where necessary. But I think everyone appreciates a greeting.

Andrew said that it’s classy and kind to say hi to everyone. It doesn’t cost you anything!

When you give people attention like that, looking them in the eyes, it validates them, shows them they matter. I always greet the janitor in the bathroom, and call him Sir.

There are so many people, because of status or work, that we ignore or pass by. Looking them in the eyes and asking how their day is going is simple, but it’s possible no one else has done it that day. You might make their day a bit better.

All conversations start with hello.

Give a Shit

Andrew said that most “how are you’s” are not genuine. It normally ends with ‘good’, and onwards we go, to the business.

He told me it means so much to people to actually care how their day is going, especially service providers like airline attendants.

Most people don’t get past ‘chicken or beef’ on a flight. So you will be a god in their eyes if you simply talk with them, care how they are doing.

Ask specific questions about them. Show them you genuinely are interested in them.

Listen. Actually listen!

I asked, do you know what the lingo ‘Main Character Energy’ is?

No.

I did my best to explain it, and then said, Often we are only interested in people to the extent that we need them. They are only as valuable as how much we need their service. I think the opposite of Main Character Energy is Generosity of Spirit. Like, going into a place thinking of what you can give away… attention, care, curiosity, instead of what you can get.

—I like that term, I’ll keep that in mind. Generosity of Spirit…

Don’t stand in silence waiting

Andrew told me, before this, I was in line to get my coffee, and the line was quiet. So I decided to turn around, say hello to the lady behind me, and ask what she was going to order. We’re both in the line together, anyways.

—Yeah, I guess you might as well make a friend!

—Often we’re in places where no one thinks to branch out and say hi. But the wait is much better with a conversation. Otherwise you’re just in silence waiting.

It reminded me of my friend Max, who told me that before college classes, everyone is on their phones waiting. No one talks. He said it’s depressing!

It can be hard to break that barrier.

Complements

Andrew said, another great way to start a conversation is to give them a complement.

Everyone has at least one thing complement-able about them.

Enlightenment

Andrew asked, Josh, how did you get so enlightened to care about this topic and live like this too?

I felt like I was reading Siddhartha, I’ve never used that word before!

I sat back to think.

I told him I had spent the last years abroad doing missions and volunteer work, meeting people from all over the world.

My friends and I have a worldview that people are God’s treasure. They are his Beloved. I’ve experienced that the more I was aware of my own belovedness to God, and aware of his ‘delight’ for every person, I began to treat them differently. The more I received that love, I was able to give it out freely

He thought that was neat.

Andrew gave me his card, and we eventually parted ways. It was 20 minutes of delightful conversation.

I learned so much.

Even just the reminder to say hello. It’s laughably simple. But perhaps a dying tradition in a fearful world.

That’s all for today, folks.

-Josh Caliguire

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